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The Hollywood In-Seider Interviews Fred Savage |
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If you've ever visited me in California, chances are I've taken you to the Saddle Ranch Chop House on Sunset Boulevard. It's one of the first bars I ever visited, and nary a month goes by where I don't trek there for a beer and end up losing my mind.
Background: Saddle Ranch is famous for its mechanical bull. You've probably seen it on such shows as "Dismissed" on MTV as well as E! Entertainment Television. Basically, people get bombed and then pay ten bucks to ride this thing while tons of people watch. Legally, you shouldn't be allowed to sign a medical waiver if you can't see straight, but that's what makes this country so great. Anyway, if you're a chick they're, going to give you an easy ride, but just rough enough so that your top might go flying. If you're a guy, you'll be flipped within ten seconds because nobody wants to watch some dude ride a bull. Seriously. The Scene: Every single waitress or bartender at this place is hot. We're not talking "Well, not much else going on, so I'll get her number" hot. We're talking "It made sense at the time to give her power-of-attorney" hot. The place is absolutely packed Thursday through Saturday, but the clientele is a little hit-or-miss. You see a lot of B-list celebrities, and also David Spade. As a side note: David Spade has ridiculous game. I've run into him four times in my life, and each time he was surrounded by majestic beauties hanging on his every word. It's more unnerving than when I saw Angie Everhart holding hands with Daniel "Frank Stallone" Baldwin. Anyway, because of the crowd you get a decent population of attractive patrons, but I've said it before: You show up to the Saddle Ranch for the hot waitress, but you end up leaving with the girl who's about to boot. The Players: Preston Seider - world-reknowned entertainment columnist Alexis Yvonne - world-unreknowned associate of Preston Seider Décor: Old West. Gimmick signs all over the walls (If you ain't tippin, you ain't drinkin!), stuff like that. It has a fucking mechanical bull, so you can draw your own mental picture. Drinks: These are nice and reasonably-priced. The killers are these specialty drinks that come in carafes....Long Island Ice Teas, Mai-Tai things. They're like $11, and if you drink two you will die. I am not kidding you. P Money has been there seven times, and only has 2 lives left, if you catch my drift. I will admit that it's tough to feel macho holding a carafe...but then again, I bleach my hair. Service: Pretty good. If you go there enough, the waitresses and bartenders step up the service a notch. Bartender Gail gives me a free shot every time I order drinks. She's obviously hot and wants to bear my children, but her abs are too wonderful to tarnish. When you get there, you will find Pam. She is the most beautiful waitress who hath ever graced this wonderful realm of Los Angeles. She's so hot that I had to type this article no closer than 200 yards from her. Fred Savage Interview: Preston: Dude, my friend Alexis is a huge fan of yours. Can you say "Hi?" Fred: Yeah, sure Preston: Dude, she might love you. Ask her! Fred: Um, yeah maybe...Hi, I'm Fred Alexis: Oh my God...my friend has had a few beers....I'm so sorry Preston: Dude, I loved that show you were on, "Work." Fred: Thanks a lot, man Preston: Dude, I used to watch "Work" all the time. I loved "Work." That sucks that it got canceled. Fred: Yeah, it's too bad. Preston: Do you have any other projects? Fred: I'm forming my own production company Preston: Dude, you should produce "Work" again. I think the market is ready. Email me at pseider@paperbagreview.com if you'd like to suggest a venue for me to check out in a coming Hollywood In-Seider. I am merely here to serve you. Preston Seider |
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