The Phenomenon holds it down in the Midwest office, where he remained after matriculating with Preston and Sidearms at the University of Michigan. A revered columnist, he's been known to comment on anything from pop culture to dinosaurs. The Phenomenon remains Paper Bag Review's most abrasive and controversial contributor. His writing quite often deals with the harsh realities of rape, prostitution, and sex with rafts made from dead monkeys. However, he draws the line when it comes to discussing "the pre-Revolutionary utopia and capital forming effects of military mobilization and how Gordon Wood drastically underestimates the impact of social distinctions predicated upon wealth, especially inherited wealth." The Phenomenon will never write about that.

Hobbies - "I've got a vast array of hobbies. I mean, really, there are too many to mention. But if I had to name a few, they'd include toting guns, delivering facetiae, examining minutia, balancing on floating logs, crashing graduation parties and family reunions, admiring my reflection, treadmilling, returning videotapes, humping rafts made from dead monkeys, and stimulating the whore economy."

Favorites
Films - "Fight Club, American Psycho, and Zoolander."
TV Shows - "The Simpsons, The Sopranos, Sportscenter, and The Mary Tyler Moore Show. I had a crush on her when I was one."
Foods - "Anything with a lot of protein, really. I primarily feast on chicken, salmon, and tuna. I also enjoy duck and venison when I'm in the killing mood."
Alcoholic Beverages - "Belvedere vodka and water. The water takes the bite out the alcohol, yet allows you to enjoy the taste. I'm also a sucker for a good Prestini (martini made by Preston Seider). I try not to drink too much beer, but I enjoy the occasional Olde English High Gravity 40 oz."
Closeted Alcoholic Beverage - "Cosmopolitan. They're so damn good, but so damn gay."
Celebrity - "Paris Hilton. Interestingly enough, I'm her favorite non-celebrity that she's never met. Or so I've heard."
Bagger Other Than Self - "Sidearms. No one beats his commentary on former Fox nighttime soaps. He is the authority on Melrose and 90210."
Book - "American Psycho, I love all the rapes and murders. Crime and Punishment is a close second, though. Raskolnikov rules."

Celebrity You'd Most Like To Nail - Paris Hilton

Bagger Whose Ass You Could Kick Most Easily - P-Money

Individual You Aspire To Be Most Like - P Diddy

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