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Sidearms
Birthday: July 14
Origin: Detroit, MI
Current Location: Beverly Hills, CA
After word leaked to the press about his award-winning novella chronicling the trials and tribulations of a quirky yet cuddly koala bear written when he was a red-shirt first-grader, Sidearms became the focus of fierce recruiting campaigns by major magazines and on-line journalistic syndicates right out of college. In the end, however, promises of notoriety and journalistic freedom ultimately led him to the Paper Bag Review.
A brash young product of pop culture who frowns upon societal norms urging kids to read (books, at least), Sidearms will tackle any issue that his acute case of ADD will allow him to see through from start to finish. As a result, while his writing rarely arrives at any definitive conclusions, there is a good chance that his columns will be filled with lots of pictures…and pictures = fun!
Favorites:
Hobbies: ‘Noes, Goat Herding, Post-Paleozoic Amish Folklore, Broomball, Haiku
Food/Condiment: Toast, Ranch Dressing
Alcoholic Beverages: A nice OE Ice 800 in my youth; these days it’s PBR, Caffrey’s and Guinness
Closeted Alcoholic Beverage: Jack and Coke, usually while playing Blackjack
Office Product: Mr. Sketch Smelly Markers
TV Shows: Saved by the Bell, 90210, Melrose Place, That 70s Show, anything on the Weather Channel or the Discovery Channel
TV Dad: Rush Sanders—90210
Films: Office Space, Mallrats, Se7en, Cruel Intentions, Shaft
Formal Wear: Navy blue velour jump suit, Pimpsketeer #8 Jersey
Bagger Other Than Self: The Phenomenon…not very many writers have the ability and range to convey adventures of dead monkey rafts in a way that they can be enjoyed by readers of all ages.
Celebrity You’d Most Like To Nail: Soleil Moon Frye…I like to keep my goals in life obtainable, and if Screech can get her on TV, then I guess my odds can’t be that bad.
Bagger Whose Ass You Could Most Easily Kick: Well, both Preston and Hartley’s asses provide big enough targets that my foot could probably connect with either one with little to no effort
Individual You Aspire to Be Most Like: Snoop Dogg
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The Fellas