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Internship Application

Since the hiring of Rusty the College Trombone (Lou the College Intern to the layperson), we've received multiple e-mails requesting information about joining the PBR team. In order to accommodate all of you who wish to follow in Rusty's footsteps, we've designed the following quiz.

After answering each question honestly, we'll add up your score and let you know whether you've made the cut.

1. Choose the phrase below which most aptly describes you.

a. I'm a dirty little whore.
b. I love dirty little whores.
c. I'm a dirty horse
d. I love dirty horses.
e. I love The Paper Bag Review.

2. As a PBR intern, you'll have multiple duties. Which task listed below would you never do?

a. Fetching beverages for the Baggers whenever asked to do so.
b. Keep the mob of female fans in check by any means necessary, even if you have to sleep with them (this applies to male and female applicants).
c. Promote the website by any means necessary (prostitution, narcotics sales, and theft are sometimes required.)
d. Clean the Hermosa Estate.
e. Clean the Rusty Trombone.

3. We're experts on practically everything. In what area are we lacking?

a. Women, sex, and all things related to having sex with women.
b. Beer, wine, liquor, and all things related to drinking.
c. Dead monkeys, rafts, and all things related to making rafts out of dead monkeys.
d. Sex with female interns.
e. Sex for the sole male intern (props to Lou.)

4. When running a Google search on the following phrases, which does not (at least prior to this quiz) yield a PBR column?

a. "Free Jenna Jameson porn"
b. "Paige Davis nude"
c. "Fingers Maloney"
d. "Sex with a raft of dead monkeys"
e. "People you should punch"

5. As a PBR intern, you'll have to know everything about us. Which of the following choices is untrue?

a. Preston Seider is usually pressed insider her.
b. Sidearms makes people say, "Ted Casa-who?"
c. The Phenomenon obsesses over Tara Reid.
d. Brandon Iron enjoys Pabst Genuine Draft.
e. Salazar is a dance, dance, dance, dance, dancin' machine.

6. The Paper Bag Review prides itself on offering objective commentary on pop culture. Sometimes, however, there are celebrities that just plain suck. And since you should share our viewpoint, who do we collectively hate most?

a. Jerry O'Connell
b. Corey Feldman
c. Rosie O'Donnell
d. Andy Dick
d. Ben Affleck

7. Our interns can drink on the job, must be up by the crack of noon (PST), and often catch our sloppy seconds. Which of the following internships rival your opportunity at Paper Bag Review?

a. Howard Stern Show
b. White House
c. Porn studio (ok, warehouse) in Van Nuys
d. Bad Boy Records
e. None of the above

8. If you could describe yourself using one of the following phrases, which would you choose?

a. I look like Paris Hilton, and love being nude.
b. I'm a dude, but I'd love to bang Paris Hilton.
c. I don't look like Paris, yet I'm a hot slut.
d. I'm a hairy old man.
e. I'm not hot, but I'm still a slut.

9. PBR features a quote of the day. What would say in an attempt to have your words posted?

a. "Whore, slut, do it now."
b. "Move your hand like daddy showed you."
c. "If Triq spends the night with me you'll be calling him Rear Admiral Nastey."
d. "Hartley's accent makes my privates get wet."
e. "Cleveland Steamers for anybody and everybody."

10. Which of the following statements best describes your views about The Paper Bag Review?

a. I'm an everyday reader; I love it, and tell everyone I know about the site.
b. I'm a weekly reader. It's a good site and I've told a few friends about it.
c. I visit the site about once a month and it's okay.
d. This is my first Paper Bag Experience.
e. Paper Bag Review? I thought this was Porno Bag Review.

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