Beer

We here at the Paper Bag Review have spent some time recently giving our take on beers that you can find in any local store. However, we wanted to get back to basics and let you in on some of our favorite beers on the market. Although many are a bit hard to find, it's worth the search, ladies and gentlemen...Trust Us.

(Note:We aren't using our standard rating system (clout, taste, etc) here, because in our opinion these beers each rank at the highest of levels.)

PBR - Pabst Blue Ribbon, it won the award in 1893 and hasn't looked back. It's often tough to find, especially in the Midwest, which is puzzling considering it comes from Wisconsin. Pabst has always gotten a bad-rap, but for no reason other than the standard American beer drinker being afraid to go against the grain. Mention this at a frat party, and you will be met with a confused look from behind a dirty white South Carolina Cocks hat, mainly because they don't know there are other beers besides Natty Ice and the Beast. However, true beer connoisseurs understand its greatness. It's better than every other macrobrew, and it's always more economical. Notice we didn't say "cheap."

PGD - Pabst Genuine Draft. Cold-filtered, it's a wonderful variation of the award-winning Blue Ribbon brew. Plus, it's in a gold can, so you will feel rich and important, and people will respond accordingly.

Rainier Ice - Brewed in the Pacific Northwest, it's the Cubic Zirconium of beers. It looks pricey but it won't cost you 2-months salary. In fact, you can score a 12 pack of this premium lager for only $4.83 (although, I guess technically that is 2 months salary for me). As far as we can tell, it's only available at Ralph's in LA, but email us and we'll send you some. For a more moderate flavor, try just a plain Rainier, although the can isn't as pleasing to the eye (and isnt that what beer drinking is all about?)

Genessee - From the same brewery that brought us Fentucky Light and Hirginia Ice, Genessee is native to upstate New York. True beer drinkers let nary a year go by without having some Genny Light or a Genny Screamer, and because it's so smooth and comparable to the other premium beers, it never fails to satisfy.

Lite Ice - The toughest find in the Miller family, it's as smooth as Miller Lite, but packs a bit more wallop. They made a big push for this in the mid-90's, and then backed off for some reason. Probably because of Rosie O'Donnell and the rest of the Bible thumpers.

Old Style - According to the family tree, the lineage of this fine brew can be traced back to the love child of Pabst Blue Ribbon and Rainier Ice, or at least that is a good assumption based on its similar taste and the fact that the can has the same patriotic colors. Mainly found in the Midwest, it is recommended that you have the bartender dust off each bottle, seeing as though the born on date was probably sometime in the 1950s...ah, TASTY!

Molson XXX - a thick "Canadian beer," XXX is surprisingly only found near U.S. borders and is a close relative of grain alcohol, due to it 8% alcohol content. Goes down smooth like an ice-cold bottle of molasses.

Part III of the beer review: Malt Liquor

Part II of the beer review: Micro Beers

Part I of the beer review: Macro Beers