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Boone's Family of WinesI got an email last week from a concerned reader: "Each week my friends and I have a dinner party, and it seems as though I'm always dropping the ball on picking a decent wine for our meal. I want to impress my guests, while at the same time keeping the cost at a minimum, seeing as though I only earn $500,000 a year. Can you suggest a winery which could meet my needs on a consistent basis?" -- Concerned Reader Have no fear, Concerned Reader. The Paper Bag Review is on the case. Last week, a few of our affiliates sat down to review the Boone's Farm Family of Wines, far away from the expensive restaurants where this top-shelf spirit is normally served. Only in our hallowed testing quarters could the truth about these beverages come out, as we here at the Paper Bag Review are dedicated to honesty and quality consumer information. Here we present our 2002 Review of the Boone's Farm Family of Wines, out of Modesto, CA. These wines are of spectacular taste and bouquet, and most of them will fit into your average budget. Keep in mind that we are seasoned wine enthusiasts, and more often than not you'll find that Boone's is the only wine for which we'll stop and mingle. The comments below are excerpts from our review sheets, presented by Sidearms, Salazar, Preston Seider, and The Continental Enjoy, C. Alexander Parish Boone's Farm Wines (Ranked in Order)1. Wild Island2. Sun Peak Peach 3. Blackberry Ridge 4. Mountain Berry 5. Snow Creek Berry 6. Hard Lemonade 7. Country Kwencher 8. Strawberry Daiquiri 9. Fuzzy Navel 10. Kiwi Strawberry 11. Pina Colada 12. Raspberry Hard Lemonade 13. Strawberry Hill 14. Sangria 15. Wild Raspberry Wild Island Sidearms: A refreshing trip to the islands. Equally as tasty both pre- and post-hurricane. A flavorful white wine that is appropriate for all occasions. Salazar: I've been to Hawaii 3 times, and no visit can match the tropical feeling this potent potable packs. The Continental: Reminds me of kickin back with Preston, talkin about the ladies... Preston: I'd rather die than share a bottle of this, unless it's with an affiliate, or any of the aforementioned ladies. Sun Peak Peach Sidearms: Using only peaches that were picked at the peak of freshness, this tasty drink is enjoyable in mass quantities, or to bring out the flavor of white meats like pork or lamb. Salazar: I thought 'Sun Peak Peach' was when you go down on a girl in a public park during the day. The Continental: Uh, no, that's called The Continental Day Shift. Blackberry Ridge Sidearms: A premier red wine that is sweet and has a full-bodied flavor. Ideal for weddings and bar mitzvahs, or any other time a premium red wine is necessary in mass quantities. Preston: This is the newest addition to the Boone's Farm family of fine wines. Nary a meal goes by where I don't want to reach into the ample cellar and twist open a bottle of this freshness. Mountain Berry Sidearms: All the berry taste you could ever want, and Boone's does the risky mountain climbing for you to retrieve those pesky hard-to-get high altitude berries. A nice zinfandel or chablis best served around the holiday seasons. Salazar: What kind of berries grow in the mountains? Aren't they poisonous? Poor little coyotes, and other animals that live in mountains. Snow Creek Berry Sidearms: World-reknowned for its tasty berries, Snow Creek runs adjacent to Boone's Farm and provides some of the sweetest and juiciest berries in the world. Imagine how good it tastes from a bottle...er, i mean, a wine glass. Salazar: A sleeper of a pick, it reminds me of cold winters past in Oaxaca, when it would dip to 10 below 85. The Continental: Often times I'll go skinny-dipping with some ladies in Snow Creek, hoping to catch a glimpse of the Boone's winery at work. Hard Lemonade Salazar: Little known fact: the Soft Lemonade flavor actually beat this in blind taste tests. Preston: Boone's Farm's answer to Mike's "Hard" Lemonade. Let's just say this: Mike's Lemonade is hard, if you're a sissy girl who likes to play hopscotch. Country Kwencher Preston: When I lived in Virginia, they just called this "Kwencher." Tastes a bit like grapefruit. The Continental: Actually, "Country Kwencher" is what the ladies down at the VIP room call me. Strawberry Daiquiri Sidearms: All the taste and flavor of a traditional daiquiri, minus the harshness of pureed ice chunks. Preston: I like the Boone's Farm version of this...no pesky pieces of real strawberry or seeds that get caught in your teeth. When I throw parties, I keep the empty blender running, and just serve this. My guests can't tell the difference! Fuzzy Navel Salazar: Was originally gonna be offered in jicama flavor. The Continental: I've seen a lot of navels in my day, if you know what I'm sayin Kiwi Strawberry Salazar: Tastes so good, I think there is more alcohol in the Snapple version. Preston: Yeah, this one is kind of weak. I dig it, but it doesn't have the full-bodied flavor of, say, Blackberry Ridge. Pina Colada Salazar: Pina Colada, my corazon es tuyo. Preston: Really strong coconut flavor here, and it's all-natural (I think). It may not be. Not one of my favorites, but in a pinch it will do. Even 11 spots down the list, you're still better off here than most other wines. Raspberry Hard Lemonade Preston: A unique version of this Southern classic, it easily compliments their original recipe. The Continental: Definitely tasty, but not really a raspberry taste. More like the Hard Lemonade with red coloring, although I know that the folks up in Modesto would never use anything artificial. Strawberry Hill Sidearms: They might want to go back to the drawing board on this one and come back with blueberry hill. Preston: Dude, that's a good point. How sweet would a blueberry wine be? Strawberry wine is kind of overdone. The Continental: Good God, this is crap. I know everyone drank it in high school, but this isn't high school. Tastes are supposed to mature. Just like my taste in the ladies, if you know what I'm sayin. Sangria Salazar: The Biggest disappointment in the lot; I often confuse it with Robitussin. Preston: There is a huge drop-off in quality after Raspberry Hard Lemonade. I can occasionally tolerate Strawberry Hill if I'm with a particularly ugly girl, but I can't tolerate Sangria under any circumstances. Bitter, awful red here. Kills the taste of a nice filet or Ball Park Frank. Wild Raspberry Sidearms: I've only seen this in one store my entire life; might be the only bottle ever made. For good reason. |
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