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Alix Gideon reviews the world of DipBefore we get started let's go over the rating scale that was used. These tobacco products were judged based on their quality in these 4 categories:
Scale: Timberwolf--fine tobacco dip product. Must buy the cool wintergreen flavor - subtle mint body with a good leafy finish. The can is always full never seeing the affects of "settling" noticed by the major labels of Skoal, Copenhagen, etc. Will always pack well and doesn't elicit a short brain aneurysm the likes of Kodiak (which I also highly recommend).
Kodiak-- also known as the bear, this is the knock-you-on-your-ass, punch-you-in-the-nuts, and fuck-your-sister-while-you-writhe-in-pain mother of all dip products. Commonly known for its "high fiberglass content" this stuff has a distinctly minty taste (wintergreen) that cools on contact, yet eats through your lip like it contains sulphuric acid. Only for use under the most extreme conditions. Does not pack well although it is labled as long cut and falls second only to Copenhagen in its ability to find it's way into every crevice of your mouth. Pull out a tin of this baby and your friends will know you are a badass. Caution: do not attempt to use for the first time while driving or operating a vibrator on your girlfriend.
Copenhagen-- some jerkoff thought it would be cool to harvest dirt used to house nightcrawlers, pack it in a can, line it with wax and top it with a cool tin lid. Let me set the record straight: the only thing cool about Copenhagen is the lid. This stuff is ASS. Not recommended unless you are going for the nostalgic look as it is highly revered by old-timers and ass-eaters alike. Not only will the taste make you gag, but it ranks lowest on the "pack" scale as well. Maybe it is because I have dipped for too many years and created a pocket in my face that Ricky Henderson's glove would be jealous of, but this stuff will not stay in place. It does come in a long cut version, but it does nothing for the taste.
Skoal Bandits-- before you even start ranting about why I included this product, let me clear the air. First off, for those of you who haven't tried them, Bandits are little self-contained packets of dip similar to tea bags you put between your lip and gum. Now, most true dippers will disavow this stuff to the nth degree, but the initial idea of the product has some merit. It was designed so you could throw one in and get some satisfaction without having to rinse the shit out of your teeth when you are done. What they ended up with is a disgrace to the art of dipping and a clear shot at designing a product for pre-teens to wean them on snuff. Forget Smokin' Joe the camel, this one is painfully obvious. Either way, if you are going to be cool like the rest of us just don't pull this out of your pants or I will be forced to give you the donkey punch.
Sequoia Cinnamon Ice & Mountain Cider--the same company (swedish match) who puts out the famed Timberwolf has come up with a couple of new flavors under the moniker Sequoia. The two flavors are quite interesting, but do make you wonder exactly who they are pitching this to. When we found out we were going to be getting a non-released test product, we were quite excited. The tin itself is the coolest thing about this stuff. The twist off lid is the first any of us have seen here and it did have everyone in the office giddy with anticipation. No one was prepared for what came next. Not only was the taste comparable to feeding your dog some big red and then putting his shit in your mouth, but it seems they are growing their tobacco along side thickets. We spent the majority of our time picking ¼ inch thorns out of our already sensitive gums. In Summary: stay with the wolf for now.
Rooster Berry--whenever a company offers a "whatever % more free" promotion, most people see that as a good thing...except in the case of herpes, ticks, zima, and this berry shit from Rooster. While enjoying a relaxing Sunday night of baseball, I reached for the tin only to realize that I was out. Quick thinking helped me remember an unopened tin of this new Rooster given to me complements of the vendor at the Richmond Nascar Race (see: "dirty moustached rednecks who drink bad beer and the men who marry them; A study of the female Nascar fan.") The actual tobacco packed nicely and offered a silky feel in the lip. The flavor, however, is just plain bad. Similar to cranberry mixed with chocolate but not that good. If you find yourself in front of Apu at your local 7-eleven, go with the Icy-Mint - a much wiser choice.
Hawken Wintergreen--not unlike the Sears catalog's panty section, Hawken happens to be the first experience for many, many males today. This tends to be the first dip product many will be introduced to thanks to it's low nicotine content and fantastic flavor. The only knock on this stuff is sometimes you want to chew it and eat it...it's that good! I guess it could be compared to drinking wine coolers in high school, tastes great, gets you drunk, but it's still missing something. Someday you just have to grow up, but once you do, it's true that you can never again go back to your first.
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=Worst 
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