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"Dancing Outlaw"

Starring:
  • Jesco White as "the Dancing Outlaw"
  • Norma Jean as "Wife"
  • Girty Mae as "Ma"
  • The Ghost of D. Ray White as "Pa"
  • Red Grant as Butch
Best Line:
  • Jesco, when recalling his turbulent past, "I was sniffing a lot of gas back then."
Rating:
  • 1/2 a PBR out of 7
Plot:
The turbulent life and times of oddball dance-machine Jesse "Jesco" White, as told by Jesco, Norma Jean, Girty Mae, and Elvis. Elvis?

Review:
Many of you documentary fanatics may be questioning the PBR rating. How could this movie have received such a low rating? It did, now get over it!!!

First of all, I would like to say that my rating was not biased due to the fact that this was a documentary about a dancing hillbilly from West Virginia. My rating scale is true and accurate. PBRs are the drink of choice while these movie reviews take place, and the number of beers that I drink while the movie plays is the rating. In fact, it would have received 0 PBRs had I not been so parched after my jaw hung open for an hour and a half, while my brain chanted over and over "What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck?"

Regardless of the rating, this movie did have its entertaining and hilarious scenes, including stories of abuse because of "sloppy, slimy eggs" and the weekly White family gathering. This movie proves that, at least in this case, the hillbilly stereotypes are true; however, I could not picture Jesco or his brothers trying to butterup a "city boy" with a tender phrase like "you got a purty mouth" before having their way with him.

Though Jesco and I will never agree upon the best way to trap, skin, and cook a squirrel, there was a moment when I could relate to this man. Honestly, who hasn’t been spoken to by a nude female angel with a serpent’s head when high from sniffing gas fumes and socks saturated with lighter fluid? Me for one, but I did see the dark angel once while punishing myself with a combination of Lakeport Malt Liquor (see Preston Seider’s Beer Review Part 3) and Rooster Berry (see Alix Gideon’s Dip Review 2002).

Until next time, take my advice: whatever you do, avoid Boone County West Virginia at all costs.

Highlights:
  • The White Family Gathering
  • Elvis
  • Broken bottles against the Boone County street sign
  • Stories of the multiple threats that Jesco made on his wife's life
  • "Costly sunglasses"
Unanswered Questions:
  • What the fuck?
  • Who OKed this fucking project?
  • Where are there fan site dedicated to Jesco on the internet?
  • What the fuck?
   

 

 Brandon Iron
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