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"Endless Love"
Starring:
- Brooke Shields (Blue Lagoon, Suddenly Susan) as Jade
- Martin Hewitt (Yellowbeard, Two Moon Junction) as David
- James Spader (Less Than Zero, Mannequin) as Keith
Best Lines:
- Tom Cruise, as Billy, discussing arson with David - "I lit a whole pile of newspapers. You ever try to light a whole pile of wet newspapers? Smokes like crazy."
- James Spader, as Keith, laying it out for David - "Just because you're fucking my sister doesn't make you part of the family." --- NICE!!
Rating:
Plot:
David and Jade are teenagers in love, but all hell breaks loose as they are told by Jade's father
not to see each other anymore.
Review:
This starts out a little personal, so I apologize in advance for any resulting tears that may burn your
eyes. The Continental purchased this movie for me as a gag gift. At the time, a 5-year relationship of
mine had ended and my actions were very similar to David's. I was often called "David", which was followed
by howls of laughter. I mean, I was going crazy with the sleepless nights, inability to concentrate, thinking
about her 24/7; I did a lot of what David did, short of burning down my ex-girlfriend's house, hooking up with
her mother, and accidentally killing her father. In fact, there was a time when the following bullshit came out
of my mouth: "I'm doing all this great stuff now, but it is just not as fulfilling as it could be. I would like
to share it with someone." The Continental responded with a jaw-to-the-floor stare and a swift bitch-slap that
nearly knocked me unconscious. I can’t blame him though; I was being a little bitch and I did break several rules
of pillow-biting etiquette (see The Continental’s 5 Pillow-biting
musts).
I don't like this movie. The acting is pretty fucking bad, except for Spader and Cruise. The story is beyond retarded;
in one instance, David refuses sex from Jade's mom because "I can only make love to Jade." What the fuck is that?!! Granted
she is older and not hot, but the dumb bastard had just spent 2 years in psychiatric ward. He should be taking whatever he
could get. DAMN!!! On top of that, the credits boast a small role for a young Ian Ziering (you all of course remember Steve
from Beverly Hills 90210) as Jade's brother Sammy, which I think is total bullshit because I don't remember seeing him once.
Being in the state that I was in, this movie got some play time at the house, but as I watch it now, as the feelings have subsided,
this movie FUCKING SUCKS!!!! I mean God FUCKING awful!!!! It is both sappy and cheesy, which means (1) all you women will possibly
love it and (2) all you guys will and should hate it as much as The Continental and myself. Personally, I became physically ill while
watching this movie and I don't think it was the combination of PBR, week old pizza, and the 7-Eleven pre-packaged hoagie.
In closing, let me reiterate my feeling:, this movie FUCKING SUCKS!!!! I mean God FUCKING awful!!!! This movie shouldn't even have
the word "love" in the title; it is not about love at all, I would say obsession more than anything else. Where can I find a hot woman
that will love/be obsessed with me, knowing that I burned down her house, hooked up with her mom, and killed her father? The ladies are
probably asking themselves where they can find a guy like David. I mean in the end, don't we all want someone that will ruin everybody's
life in the name of LOVE?
Highlights:
- Movie debut of Tom Cruise
- Theme song is "Endless Love" by Lionel Richie and Diana Ross
- Jade's mom gets all horny after watching David nail her daughter (What in the hell?)
- When the fucking thing ended
Unanswered Questions:
- How many times during filming did everyone sit around thinking "this movie sucks!"?
- Did anyone involved with this movie commit suicide after seeing how bad it turned out?
- Why do movies like this happen?
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