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"Kid with the Golden Arms"
Starring:
- Philip Kwok as Agent Hai Tou
- Lo Meng as Golden Arms
- Sun Chien as Iron Feet
- Chiang Sheng as Short Axe
- Lu Feng as Silver Spear
- Wei Pai as Li Chin-Ming
Best Line:
- Agent Hai Tou - I don't know what the fuck he really said,
but it was translated as:"One time I thought wine was a man's best friend.
Now I realize a good woman is much better." -- I would agree, unless of course
the wine in question is Boone's Farm Wild Island or Carlo Rossi Chianti.
Rating:
Plot:
Amazing Kung Fu action ensues as the Chi Saw gang, led by Golden Arms, attempts
to steal a wagon of government gold.
Review:
Obviously, Kung Fu films have been around awhile, but have recently attracted a
new adult audience due to the success of that Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon shiz.
This film though is one of those old school flicks that The Continental and I used
to watch on Saturday Kung Fu Theatre. After the movies, while buzzing from 12 packs
of Mt. Dew and all the candy our parents would allow, we would go outside and imitate
what we had just watched, sometimes with dire consequences. I think we all have the
"I broke my siblings arm and/or collarbone while fighting kung fu style in the backyard"
story.
This movie is great fun and in my opinion (you all know what that is worth), this could
quite possibly be the best Kung Fu motion picture ever made.
I review Kung Fu based on 5 elements that I have expertly surmised as being what make a Kung Fu movie a classic and not just some chop-socky bullshit. Obviously, based on the PBR rating, this movie passes the Brandon Iron Kung Fu classic test with flying colors (or should I say flying kicks). Let’s take a look at the 5 crucial elements:
- Great choreography - the fight scenes include hand-to-hand, sword play, axe
play, spear play, wine jug play. Whatever you want this movie has it - this stuff rivals John Travolta’s moves in "Saturday Night Fever"
- Over-the-top sound effects - all the body movements sound like
a fucking tornado, and hand-to-hand fights sound like 2 sticks being continuously hit together
- One, if not all, of the same 5 guys that were in 80% of all the great Kung Fu
films - if you ever watched Kung Fu Theatre then you will recognize at least half of these guys (and the English dub voices)
- Several death scenes that involve 30 seconds to 2 minutes of a slain master
making faces, groaning, and flipping around on the ground - this movie
has several and will not disappoint
- The sweet English language dub - they didn't fuck around with subtitles back
then. Good thing for this film, it is damn near 100% action and
missing any of it by trying to read words on the bottom of the screen
would be a fucking travesty.
I would like to end this review by quoting Agent Hai Tou: "That's that... I'm gonna get drunk." Now that's what I'm talking about!
Highlights:
- English language dub
- Showdown between Agent Hai Tou and Golden Arms
- Over acting with extreme prejudice by the actress playing Miss Ling
- Love triangle of Li, Miss Ling, and Agent Hai Tou
- Love triangle of Miss Ling, Hai Tou, and rice wine
Unanswered Questions:
- How did this kid get golden arms?
- How did the one dude get iron feet?
- How many gallons of rice wine did Hai Tou drink?
- How much gold was in the government wagon?
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The Fellas