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"Jack Frost"Reviewed by The Phenomenon He's Chillin' and Killin' – "Jack Frost" and "Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman" These are two of the worst movies I've ever seen. Nevertheless, they are worth renting for the laughs. The story begins with the crazed killer, Jack Frost (oh, the irony), traveling in the "State Executional (is this a word?) Transfer Vehicle" from the prison to that other place where they execute people (?). Unfortunately, due to snowy road conditions the SETV crashes into a genetic research tanker carrying pressurized acidic solution. This acid (developed to ensure human survival during a nuclear holocaust by combining "a human chromosome helix with an inert material") explodes onto Jack, causing him to melt into the snow and become a mutant killer snowman. Naturally, this accident took place in Snomonton (Snowmantown, damn that's clever!) County, the home of the local sheriff that arrested Jack after his killing spree. This opening sets the stage for revenge; a very poorly filmed revenge. Enough about that, let's get to the high points... - Snomonton has a snowman-building contest, but there is little or no snow on the ground. - Despite the harsh winter, all the trees in Snomonton County still have their leaves. - Frost shoves the local bully in front of a moving sled and it decapitates him. - After stealing a cop car, Frost runs over a police officer. - Frost rapes and murders Shannon Elizabeth in a bathtub with his carrot nose. - After killing a man with an axe, Frost states, "Gosh, I only axed you for a smoke." - Battling hair dryers, furnaces, and explosions, Frost finally succumbs to anti-freeze, getting bottled up and buried. - Ending shot of glowing, buried anti-freeze suggests sequel. On to the sequel... - Scientists mysteriously dig up Frost and begin experimenting on his anti-freeze solution. - A bumbling janitor spills coffee into the solution and resurrects Frost. - Frost makes his way to the tropical island where the sheriff is vacationing. - Slutty college girls get killed with a snow anvil dropped from a palm tree. - FBI character (played by different actor) from first movie is coincidentally the head of security at the tropical resort - Different actor for above character is rationalized by repeated surgeries needed from last encounter with Frost - Frost quotables: "Phone line's dead, huh? Let's see who's next?" and "I guess it was decapitated coffee." - Inexplicably, anti-freeze no longer harms Frost. - Trouble with Tribbles/Star Trek rip-off when Frost spawns hundreds of cute, tiny snowballs. - Heroes discover that Frost and offspring are allergic to banana daiquiris. - Killer ending when sheriff explodes Frost with a banana-tipped arrow. I highly recommend viewing these movies with friends while abusing substances. |
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