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"Josie and the Pussycats"Reviewed by P-Money I wish I could blame this on Preston, but I can't. He came home the other night with a copy of "Josie And The Pussycats." But, he didn't force me to watch it. I like a little tail now and then as much as the next cat, but man, this was a load of drivel. I think that we can officially put a fork in the back of the "Preston Loves Tara Reid" era, judging by his reaction. I can't even tell you the ending, but I can tell you that video tapes cannot sustain a four-story drop from a balcony. This movie was an insult to cats across the world, and viewers in general. If I wanted to dog every doggable aspect of this movie, I would need eight columns. Instead, I'm going to remain positive and discuss the good things about this movie. 1. It ended I didn't see the ending, as I took a self-induced snooze about an hour into this, but I know that all movies end, so I'm assuming this one did as well. Thank God. There are only so many times one can be hit between the head whiskers with "Look how witty we are! Look at our subtle commentary on society's materialistic actions! Look how Rachel Leigh Cooke's ass grows by the second!" before one follows this video tape off of the balcony. 2. Carson Daly gets his ass beat This scene was pretty funny, only because at the time Tara and Carson were engaged. I mean, he fights like such a pansy. Tara weighs about six pounds, but she beats his ass. I know it's just a movie, but my keen sense of Hollywood tells me that this scene wasn't staged. It was for real. 3. Breckin Meyer dies He plays the role of some chump in a boy band that dies in a plane crash. So far this guy has sucked in "54", "Road Trip", "Clueless", "Rat Race," and on NBC's "Inside Schwartz" starring Larry from "Three's Company." 4. It's about cats Also, in name only. And they never explain why they wear cat ears. Or why they chose that name. Or why Rachel Leigh Cooke was chosen to be the lead character in this film. Did you see "She's All That?" She was upstage by Freddie. UPSTAGED BY FREDDIE. There's one scene where she and this dude are falling in love. It's one of those parts in a bad movie where the director realizes that they should be in love at this point, but hasn't had any build up to it because he's a shitty director, so they have a "subtle" scene where they might as well hold up a sign that says "Attention: Falling in love at this point." Anyway, the point is, who would love her? Well, I might if I met her on the street. At least rub up against her when she's wearing black pants. 5. Tara Reid and Garfield make out This was the best scene in the movie. The athletic, lasagna-loving stud shows up to one of the concerts and starts getting it on with Tara Reid. She's all over him, and this pisses off the other two chicks, to they start having this big pillowfight until they all start making out. I won't give up the rest of this scene, because I'm definitely lying. Keep in mind if that did happen, it would instantly make this a great movie along the lines of how "Sarah Michelle Making Out With Selma Blair" made "Cruel Intentions" wonderful. Well, I've exhausted the list of good things. Even the songs in this movie sucked. I will pose this question to my readers: Who has ruined more movies than Breckin Meyer? I'm going to eliminate the obvious: Lassie, K-9, Uma. Please send all responses to pmoney@paperbagreview.com |
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