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"Monster's Ball"Reviewed by Preston Seider After much coaxing of our Finance department, I was able to expense a trip to the movies this weekend. This is a huge step in our development as the internet's Top Entertainment Site, in that I'm actually going to review a movie that I've seen. I decided on "Monster's Ball," starring Academy Award Winner Halle Berry and Billy Bob Thornton, aka "The Luckiest Man Alive." You'll soon see why. I'm going to break down my experience in three parts:
"Monster's Ball" is the story of a prison warden, Billy Bob Thornton, who falls in love with the wife of an executed convict, played by Halle Berry (the wife, not the con…pay attention). Billy Bob is a racist by trade, and Halle is obviously not white. It takes place in the rural South somewhere (is there any part of the South that isn't rural? Just wondering), and the catch is that Billy Bob was also the warden in charge of the execution of Halle's husband (played by noted thespian Sean "Puffy the Did" Combs). The setup of the movie is nice; we see that Billy Bob's dad is also a devout racist, and they aren't very friendly to their black neighbor (played by Mos Def. Mos Def!) and his two kids. B-Bob's son, played by Heath Ledger, shows early on that he doesn't necessarily buy into the same hatred and ignorance. He is friendly with the neighbors, which draws much ire from his father. He also works at the prison as a warden, but his father thinks he's weak because he shows compassion. Then some shit happens, which I won't divulge, and Billy Bob starts to see the world differently when he begins a relationship with Halle. He shows compassion, they share pain, and he learns that "Hey, we're not so different, you and me." You know this is coming; as a viewer, you don't want to be hit over the head with the obvious, but at the same time, there needs to be a little bit of transition. Billy just sort of starts being compassionate, yet you can't really pinpoint the moment. You understand early that the overall message is that We Are All The Same On the Inside, and also that People Are A Product Of Their Upbringing, I also want to throw in Life is Short and Happiness Will Find You In The Strangest Places. Don't forget Wash Behind Your Ears. Billy takes a look at his life and realizes that his hatred and ignorance got him nowhere but being a sad, lonely bastard. There's a great pivotal scene where he checks his racist dad into a nursing home, and you see what a bare, ignorant, pathetic man his father really is. Overall, this is a very entertaining movie. Its plot development flaws aren't big enough to detract drastically from the experience, and Halle definitely deserved her Oscar. Billy Bob should get one for having to pretend at first that he didn't think she was The World's Hottest Woman. You can add one more movie to that bunch. "Snow Dogs" was every bit the kind of dog-driven drivel I'd expect from Hollywood these days. You've got Cuba Gooding Jr. leading a team of dumb-ass dogs all around the place, and it's so far-fetched that the dogs speak in complete sentences. Have you ever heard a dog talk? They are not very articulate. 2. The Sex Scene Good God. I knew this scene was coming, but I was still shocked. You never expect to find one of Hollywood's hottest and most wholesome actresses (disregard her hit-and-run stuff, which I still question as reality) in a better-than-Skinemax sex scene. I read somewhere that Eric Benet got to watch this movie in a private screening before it came out, because he was worried about the scene. No shit. I would have lost it if that was my wife up there (and let's face it: I'm sure she soon will be). I mean, imagine if there was a scene in Notting Hill where Hugh Grant is making a spot of tea for Julia Roberts, then she just rips her top off and he starts hammering her on the counter. Unbelievable. I know that most movie critics will tell you that you're not supposed to enjoy it as much because of the pain of the characters, but screw that. You forget the pain quickly. And what's up with Billy Bob? People dog this guy all the time, but I don't get it. This is his day, in a nutshell: "Angelina, I'd love to lie naked in bed with you all day, but I have to get to the movie set so I can be the only guy to ever nail Halle Berry on camera." I need to be wingman for this guy. 3. A Rant This is for the dipshit mother who brought her four kids to this movie (a 7:30pm viewing on a school night), and didn't leave until right before the end….what were you thinking? It's not like you could be confused as to the content of this movie. "Oh, this must be a sequel to Monsters Inc!" What the hell? None of these kids were older than 7 years old. The media makes it sound like television and the internet are corrupting our children; what about the fucking parent with no God damn brain? I'm surprised those kids didn't start crying ten minutes into this movie. In five years you're going to wonder why your son spends all day in porno chat rooms and lights his house on fire. You know what, this is an entirely different column, so I'm going to quit now. We'll be coming back to this, lady. |
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