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"Spider Man"Reviewed by P-Money It's been two years in the making, but Columbia Pictures is ready to release 'Spider-Man.' I was a bit skeptical at first, because I do not like spiders. I do not like Tobey MacGuire. I did like 'Bring It On,' but not Kirsten Dunst cuz she was in a Savage Garden video. However, when director Sam Raimi called me on the Money Hotline and asked me to screen his flick, I couldn't turn him down. 'Spider-Man' is the story of young Peter Parker, a normal boy who gains superpowers when a science experiment goes awry. His face becomes hideously deformed, and he is forced to wear red-and-blue pajamas. His superpowers are very spider-like, meaning he hangs from the ceiling just above food bowls, and sometime gets stepped on. Anyway, the movie is pretty boring until the introduction of the hero, Munn E. He was present during the same scientific experience, except he gained cat-like powers. His mission is to save the world from the evil Spider-Man; there are several action sequences where Munn chases Spider-Man across the living room and into the bathroom. At one point, Spider-Man is on this big food bowl, so Munn attacks him by flipping his water bowl and then meowing until someone re-fills it. The suspense is mind-boggling. Kirsten Dunst plays Mary Jane, who is obviously attracted to Munn E. There are several scenes of palpable sexual tension between the two, where Munn is just chillin on the couch and Mary Jane is all like "Munn E, why won't you pay attention to me?" and he's all like "Yo Baby, I gots naps to be HAD." If they were going to use a chick from "Bring It On," they should have used Eliza Dushku or Gabrielle Union or something. Kirsten has kind of a weird-shaped head. Tobey MacGuire plays the evil Spider-Man, which is not believable. He's not very tall, and he's kind of whiny. That said, it's not like even Vin Diesel would have much chance against the handsome and charming Munn E. Can you imagine "The Fast And The Furious" if they replaced Paul Walker with Munn E? Vin would be driving a Ferrari and Munn would be in the back seat, flipping out in case Vin was driving to the vet. Classic stuff. Overall Grade: A+. This is an excellent movie, except for the non-Munn characters. It should put an end to the talk that Hollywood ignores the public's desire for stronger roles for guys with feline-like abilities. "Spider Man" Quick Hits: Realistic Plot: yes Admirable Hero: yes Sex/Violence: There would be sex if Munn would give her the time of day Are you sure you saw the actual movie: Mind your own business |
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