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"They Still Call me Bruce"Starring:
A Korean named Bruce, due to his supposed martial arts skills, searches the United States for Private Brown, the American soldier that saved his life back during the Korean War. Will he ever find him? I dare you to watch and find out. Review: Alright everyone, I am fucking drunk. Drunk to the point that I am walking into walls, slurring my sentences, and using spell check to correct it all. Time for a movie review. I love you Pabst Blue Ribbon!! 16 PBRs out of 7?? You are thinking, what the fuck is that!!!?? Well, I tried to watch it all the way through 3 times, and have not been able to make it, so it is a tally of all the PBRs I have enjoyed while trying. I finally just fucking gave up!! The PBRs were nice; it wasn't a total BUST. They still call me Bruce? I still call this SHIT!!!! This movie blows. Don't get me wrong; it has humorous moments, but all the humor has to do with a Korean misunderstanding American dialogue and slang. How much of that can you take? The first 20 minutes is fine, due in part to the cameo by Benson, but that cannot save a movie. Or can it? You tell me. I was never a huge fan. Re-runs of "Diff’rent Strokes" and "Punky Brewster" were more my style when this movie was put out. What you talkin' 'bout Brandon Iron?? What I am talking about is a movie that is fucking wretched! Ok, now let me try and collect my thoughts. You know how I feel about the movie as a whole, but I have some thoughts about one of the characters in particular. The most annoying character ever in movie or TV history is Irving Wurlitzer, played by Daniel Nieden. He is similar to that guy in the "Police Academy" movies that makes the sound affects; except he’s even more brutal and his impersonations are even worse than the guy that played Uncle Jackass on the Olsen twin's star-making vehicle, "Full House". I almost turned off the movie the first time I tried to watch it at the point where this character is introduced, around 5 minutes in. This character makes me want to pull out my hair, gouge out my fucking eyes with a rusty spoon, and pierce my eardrums with a hammer and nails. Just being exposed to this chararcter made me less intelligent than I was. One of the most brutal things I have ever witnessed; even taking into account that I watched and reviewed "Jesco the Dancing Outlaw". Spare yourself the humiliation and do not see this movie. I don't care if there is a gun to your head, death is a much better alternative that having to sit through this. I took one for the team and will never be the same again. I fast-forwarded the movie to see the ending. I have tears in my eyes. Did Bruce find Private Brown? Who cares!! I'm out of PBR. Highlights:
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Brandon Iron
The Fellas
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