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"Stoned Age"Starring:
Joe and Hubbs are your typical stoners looking for a good time on Friday night. When word gets out about some "fine chicks" in Torrance Beach, their mission becomes clear: haul ass to the chicks, get drunk, get stoned, get laid, and then get the hell outta there! It sounds like the story of my life. Review: I wrote this review for you with not only a heavy heart, but also a pretty good fucking buzz. Why do you ask? I had to review this movie without the influence of the "greatest beer in the world," Pabst Blue Ribbon. Brewed in America since 1844 and winner of the famed Blue Ribbon for best tasting beer; a prize that in my opinion it has yet relinquish! Anyway, enough about my sorry woes. The Miller High Life treated me well, as per the norm, and this movie was fucking awesome!! From beginning to end this movie is pure hilarity, and let me assure you that it gets funnier with every beer. The 70's. What's not funny about the 70's? This movie changed my whole perspective of that decade. Prior to this, my opinion matched the majority - 10 wasted Goddamn years. Good riddance! Think about it: there were bell-bottoms, Richard Nixon, the Ford Pinto, peace and love, and Jimi Hendrix (he sucked!!). I am sorry to offend, but give me a fucking break with all that bullshit! It really only had a few good things going for it: the birth of Brandon Iron and The Continental, Elvis, and free love -- and the last two are both ancient fucking history. Now though, based on these past 90 minutes, I declare that the 70's were by far the most entertaining 10 years in history! This movie will now be my basis for all things 70s. What a coincidence; the plot revolves around 3 of the most important things in life according to Brandon Iron: partying, getting drunk, and getting laid by "fine chicks". Are any of you more materialistic individuals thinking that maybe money is most important? What about you narcissists: beauty or fame? While still others of you would like to believe that family or helping humanity are most important. While life and ideals are always up for debate, there is one thing that I hope you have all learned from reading my reviews: I am always right in my own mind! It's great to be me! Partying - I'm Brandon Iron, I am single, I live with my brother, The Continental, and I am affiliated with Paper Bag Review. No explanation required. Getting drunk - do I really need to expound on this topic? You've read the reviews and you seen the pictures. Getting laid by "fine chicks" - I'm not going to lie. While not an everyday occurrence for me, it does take place 6 days a week. I am sorry if that seems slack, but for Christ Sakes people, I like to take one day a week to reminisce about the previous 6 days, read fan letters, and prepare for the next go around. In conclusion, this movie is fucking great! I have changed my tune about the 70s (not about Hendrix though). Getting drunk and stoned, cruising for parties and chicks, and drinking "the talls". Does it get any better than that? Fuck no! Oh yeah, while I'm thinking about it there is an obvious comparison here to Dazed and Confused, but I am not going to waste the time. Dazed and Confused SUCKED! Highlights:
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Brandon Iron
The Fellas
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