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"Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers"Let us skip all of the 'Long time no write, Salazar!' jokes and head straight into my 'What I did over winter break' speech: Yes, it has been a while since my regular contributions blessed the home page of this site, but I've been sacrificing for you, my readers. Believe it or not, I, Salazar, have been going to the movies, or more specifically, to one movie. Yes, I was caught up in the hype of the Lord of the Rings saga and actually attended the theatre three times to bring each of you an interpretation of the film that is most applicable to your viewing style. It was just a short year ago that I laid down my film grading criteria and Preston took an inside look at the first installment of this trilogy, The Fellowship of the Ring, without having seen the film might I add. This review here is a bit different as it comes with expert, first-hand detail and applies to everyone in the movie going public, assuming you all fit into one of my three preset stereotypes: Joe Movie-Goer This review pertains to you if: - You attend approximately 10-15 movies a year - You own a dvd player, a vcr, and use the internet extensively - You saw Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring - You have not read any of J.R.R. Tolkien books - You think Liv Tyler looks kinda hot as an elf When you ask the common man, and pretty much every common man has seen The Two Towers so we're not giving anything away here, you get the general sense that this movie was built around the premise of action that seemed a trifle bit lacking from the first installment. Grabbing you, literally, from the first moment of the film, TT's main appeal almost turns the movie into a thriller as you wait to see which, if any of the main characters will lose his life in the warmth of battle. That same attention to detail, those same lavish landscapes and sounds, and the same personable characters are around from FOTR, but this time their adventures lead them apart, and a slew of new homies grace their presence in what truly is a CG delicacy. For those analytical types, pay close attention to the classic literary themes laden throughout the film: man (Gondor) versus industry (Isengard); man (Saruman) versus nature (Treebeard); and nature (Treebeard) versus industry (Isengard.) Like most epic trilogies (read: Jedi), there is a hidden sense of religion left up to viewer interpretation without offense. Overall, an amazing, if not masterpiece, design of battle and character study that is best described as Lord of the Rings: The Guy Version, versus its predecessor counterpart. Joe Baggins This review pertains to you if (any 3 of the following): - You attended this movie on its premiere night, along with at least 2 other visits - You own FOTR on DVD, extended, uncut version, and view it whenever you have company over - You have read each of J.R.R. Tolkien books multiple times - You scoured the net looking for any review of this movie you could find - You really believe you are a descendent of Bilbo and Frodo Baggins - You speak Elfish - You think Liv Tyler looks kinda hot as an elf I'll admit, the first time I saw TT in the theatre, I had caught the fever. I had just seen the first film the day before and thought that it was filled with plenty of fluffy story lines that only the addict could get into. Part two here proved me wrong. Legolas' moves are f*in' sweet, computer aided or not! Aragorn's a pimp, you see how every chick in Rohan wants a piece of him? The music playing in the background during the entire Elf epilogue gives me chills down my spine. The return of Gandalf nearly brought tears to my eyes, and the Battle at Helm's Deep....oh, the Battle at Helm's Deep! It won't let you catch your breath; every second you live and die in the every move of the featured heroes. No question about it, this film is one for the ages and a must see...over and over again! Joe Bagger This review pertains to you if (any 1 of the following): - You haven't seen the movie, nor intend to - You don't have a blockbuster card - You have not read any book, ever - You think movie-goers are dorks - You spend more time getting ladies than popcorn - You are an author on this web site - You think Liv Tyler looks kinda hot as an elf This blows. I hate being at the theatre, particularly with all these freaks around me here thinking that they are living this shit. I'm looking around the theatre to see if there are any couples making out or anything at all interesting to watch. You basically got this blond guy flying around like a little fairy with a bow and infinite amount of arrows (How come these fools never run out of ammo? And how come no swords ever break? What are they made of and why don't we give this alloy to our troops overseas?), a midget with an attitude and terrible sense of comic relief, and yet another long haired fool who's living in the past. Yeah, there's some blood and guts towards the end, but come on - if the end of the earth is coming, then why aren't more people getting it on? Weak sauce, stay home and rent Mallrats instead, that Jason Lee is one funny pilgrim. So there you, let the feedback pour in. You can find me at salazar@paperbagreview.com and let me know what a genius / fool I am. Cheers, |
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