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"The Villain"Starring:
Charming Jones has been sent by her father to collect loan money from the bank to help his struggling mine. Hilarity and slapstick hijinks ensue as the bumbling outlaw Cactus Jack tries, with the help of his untrusty steed Whiskey, to steal the loot away from Charming and her protector, Handsome Stranger. Review: I was almost speechless at the end of this movie. My first response to The Continental was, "Absolutely fucking hilarious. Totally fucking ridiculous. It's the best movie I have seen in a week!" Really it was the only movie I had seen in a week, so you should just forget I even told you that shiz.. Now back to business. Imagine if you will, a sprawling western frontier and a lone rider trekking the desolate wasteland to some unknown destination. Pretty typical for a Western I would say. A technique used in many a classic Western film: lone rider as backdrop for the opening credits. This movie is no different until it slaps you across the face with some "looney tunes" type shit that never stops. Best call : Wile E. Coyote and the Roadrunner on acid. The non-stop hijinks are relentless and you will begin to feel numb all over. Hold on, maybe that was the PBR. Kirk Douglas, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Ann-Margret, what a combination! Two people that couldn't act their way out of a fucking paper sack, and the legendary star of Spartacus. I believe Kirk must have been pretty loaded, received innumerable amounts of what I will politely call "satisfaction" from the production assistants, or owed somebody big!! Regardless of how he ended up in this flick, it is a blessing. The guy is hilarious. Arnold on the other hand is like a piece of wood. Acting that bad usually makes me laugh, but in this case it made me want to cry. This caliber of acting is usually reserved for late 80s or straight to video action stars. Oh that's right, I almost forgot who I was talking about. Totally unfunny. Is that a word? Well it is now, you can look it up in the Brandon Iron Drunk on PBR dictionary. He plays the straight guy and spends the entire movie totally oblivious to the fact that Ann-Margret's breasts (absolute perfection for a 40 year old woman) are making constant advances. I mean they are literally in his face the entire fucking movie! Nice!! I'll take that role anyday. Let's recap: Live action "looney tunes." Kirk Douglas is hilarious. Arnold absolutely sucks. Ann-Margret can't act, but her breasts are scene stealers. I don't know what else to say except that this is good stuff, definitely worth the dollar rental and 4 dollars for 2 PBR 40 ouncers. That's is, if you are living like Brandon Iron. Enjoy the show! Highlights:
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Brandon Iron
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