|
Six Flags Magic MountainReview Continued by Sidearms Sidearms here with the second installment of the PBR "Six Flags Magic Mountain" review. In part one, Salazar detailed half of the coasters at the park, and now it is my turn for the other half, including our quest for the big 1-0 on Colossus. Off we go... Roaring Rapids Due to the "brisk" 120 degree temperature at the park, Salazar and I were looking for a sure-fire way to maintain our hydration levels. Luckily we found it with this amusement park water-ride staple: the standard 12-seat "white-water rapids" simulator. It can be found at most theme parks across the country, and luckily for us, we were the only two on board who actually got wet...not just wet, but completely soaked. I'll be honest with you, the water felt pretty good at the time. However, removing those water drenched shoes 8 hours later is not the most pleasant odoriferous emanation you'll ever experience...needless to say both the shoes and socks have successfully made their way to the nearest incinerator. Superman OK, on this one, you get in a metal box and it shoots you up into the air or something. All I know is: 1) It's loud as hell and 2) It detracts from the view of Colossus. In other words, this thing sucks booty...I think a swing set would be more entertaining. If you really want to see what it's like, I am sure that Dutch tourist group we saw everywhere will probably be willing to sell you a video bootleg of it. Batman The first of many corporate whore-outs (or sell outs, whatever) in the park, the Batman ride follows the recent trend of coasters with the cars hanging underneath the track with the rider's feet dangling in the air. We aren't exactly sure how this emulates Batman in any way, shape or form, but a silky smooth ride it is indeed. However, this might be because we rode it directly following two trips on Colossus...regardless, this seemingly 30-second ride is well worth your while. The highlight of the ride occured when Salazar and I perfectly predicted when our picture would be taken, allowing us to have our "West Side" gestures immortalized on film for the affordable price of only $10. Goliath Apparently one of the hottest rides at the park, this coaster goes up approx. 250 feet and has a ridiculous 60-degree angle drop. (Note: I may have just made up those figures, but put it this way...it's tall and steep, and pretty fast). I would assume that it is quite an exhilarating ride, but we wouldn't know because we boycotted it due to its Miami Dolphins color scheme. Don't they know this is LA Ram country?? Or at least it was in the early 90s...who remembers Jim Everett and Co? Can I see a show of hands? Revolution The bad boy of the "West Coast" roller coaster circuit, this ride boasts one loop and that is about it. It got its name because it's the only ride we have ever been on where we feel they should distribute complimentary helmets prior to each run, making it "revolutionary." One of the "most popular" rides in the park, it can accomadate around 32 people per run, however we were the only two dumb enough to ride it on this fateful day, receiving full-blown concussions for our efforts. X It's billed as the world's first 4th-dimensional coaster because the cars move independently, rotating 360-degrees forwards and backwards as the ride moves along the track. Sure, that sounds "fantastic," but the only time we saw it was on the way into the park. Seeing as it nicely fit into our aforementioned "I'm pretty sure we aren't going to ride a coaster where we actually see people working on the track" policy, we voluntarily left this ride off the itinerary in favor of some extra trips on Colossus. Riddler's Revenge In our opinion, this is one of the finest rides in the park. A standing-up coaster, it reaches insane speeds with many loops and twists thrown in to keep it exciting. In fact, it is so exhilirating that it almost makes you forget the wedgie you are experiencing due to the make-shift seats being a bit too snug on the crotch. This ride is highly recommended for the thrill-seaking enthusiast...or hip cats like Salazar and me. Well, there you have it...Six Flags Magic Mountain in all its glory. This just leaves us with one unanswered question: Did our beloved baggers achieve their "non-achievable" goal and successfully complete all 10 trips on the great white Colossus? Sadly, the answer is no. However, it wasn't due to a lack of effort...but rather circumstance. As we patiently waited for the front car for Ride #7 (the already proven "optimal and less physically damaging" car on Colossus), we were summoned by the militant beauty Guadalupe into one of the back cars in order to fill the ride; and that was all she wrote. A series of deep bone bruises, welts and cuts (to go along with our previously mentioned dehydration level and concussions) from riding in the back cars forced us into early retirement on this day, three trips short of our goal. Totals: 15 coasters, 2 water rides Time: 3.5 hours. |
|
The Fellas
Contact Us
Use Wisely