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Here we go again with more totally unbiased and rational hockey talk with your favorite Puck Prognosticator, H to the F to the M.
As I look back over this season, I’m amazed at how many injuries were sustained by so many key players despite the NHL introducing rules that should have given the game more flow that a Lilith Fair period. Part of the rationale behind this was to lessen the amount of contact through the neutral zone and therefore lessen the hitting that was causing the game stoppages, penalties and injuries. It didn’t improve the game from my perspective, but at least now it’s safe for the French to field a team. I’ll deal first with the East: Senators V Islanders. The Islanders top guy Yashin is playing below his usual level, and if he can’t get something going it’ll be a short playoff run for NY. Look for the Sens to make short work of the lackluster Islanders in a 4-1 series. If the Senators can’t figure out the Islanders, who have confounded them this season then it would be a 4-3 series going to the Islanders. HFM Prediction- Senators in 5 Devils V Bruins. The Devils lack any kind of consistent power play and this will be a key to their series against the Bruins, who are just starting to really find theirs. Look for a dirty series with hockey the way it should be played and plenty of 5-minute majors. HFM Prediction- Bruins in 6 Lightning V Capitals. Any team is only as good as its goaltender and Khabibulin is on a roll at the moment. Against the Caps this won’t really matter since they will get absolutely run over by Jagr’s line. Am I the only person who is fed up with the over-pronunciation by the commentators of this fucker’s name? At any rate. HFM Prediction- Caps in 4 Flyers V Leafs. This should have been the Eastern Conference final. I have to give the Flyers the nod here as they have Roenick running his one-man show. The only way I can imagine the Leafs prevailing is if Eddie the Eagle can get in the groove early and stonewall the Flyers, but I doubt it. HFM Prediction- Flyers in 7 WEST Stars v Oilers. If there’s one thing I detest more than a professional sports team from the ‘Lone Star State’ then it’s the people who are fans of said teams. I don’t like the Stars jerseys, I think that their colors are too close to the Iraqi flag, and I bet they all wet the bed still. HFM Prediction- Oilers in 4 Red Wings V Ducks. This match-up doesn’t look good for the Wings given this season’s record, but luckily they don’t play in the past. Watch the ‘Two Kids and an Old Goat’ line school these Mallards and move to the top of the playoff seed for their next Stanley Cup. Oh, and fuck the Chicago Blackhawks for ruining my Sunday. HFM Prediction- Red Wings in 5 Avalanche V Wild. The Wild are spoilers but the Av’s are on a rip at the moment; this should come down to who wants it more or who can cheat the most (as the Avalanche will usually do). The Av’s have the pedigree and playoff experience so I’ll play safe and go with Forsberg and Roy, even though I hate myself for doing so. HFM Prediction- Avalanche in 6 Canucks V Blues. What is a Canuck? Stupid, stupid, stupid name for a franchise. Bertuzzi, a fucking Sasquach that shaves. Pronger is back for the Blues but has yet to look like his old self, which is good for the Canucks (stupid, stupid , stupid…) but he’s an inspiration. I’d like to see the Blues prevail only so the Red Wings can score a heap on #30, Osgood. The Blues have the momentum on the Canucks (stupid, stupid , stupid…) but will that be enough? HFM Prediction- Blues in 7 Set in stone, people! Place your wagers, reap the rewards and mail me 10% of your winnings. Go Red Wings. This has been an impartial and fair-minded look at the first round of the NHL playoffs, if you don’t agree with any or all of the preceding information then don’t waste my time with your email. I’ve been paid already. Hartley Fortesque-Mousewrangler |
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